Monday, June 10, 2013

Advice I would give my 25 yr old self about TTC, Miscarriage and Infertility

  • Join a support group. No really, do it. In 2012 you found one through Babycenter, after the loss of Tristan, and it has helped so much. You were left wishing you would have found one in 2003 after the loss of Jacob. Not only for your emotional help but because you have learned so much about fertility and how to advocate for yourself at the doctors. 
  • Be an advocate for your health. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let the Doctors tell you that you are too young to be worrying about infertility. Trying for over a year and not being able to get pregnant is considered infertility - whether you're 23 or 32. And it's 6 months of trying if you're over 35. 
  • Learn what they can test beyond just prolactin and TSH, those are the standard tests. I have a friend whose been through this, and she recommended getting my progesterone checked 7 days past a positive ovulation test. Therein lies my issue - progesterone, I'm not ovulating regularly due to low progesterone. Now that I know what's causing the issue, I know what I can do to increase my fertility. 
  • Because of your miscarriage, there is now a loss of innocence during pregnancy. When you do get pregnant in 2008 you are going to be a hot mess of worry. And it's ok to worry but your baby is going to be a great kid. He's now 4 years old and absolutely amazing. 
  • It is ok to announce your pregnancy early. You are a mommy the second that the pregnancy test turns positive. And after trying for 5 years you're going to want to shout it from the roof tops, enjoy. If you were to have miscarriage, it is nice to have the support of those around you. 
  • Not everyone will stand by your side, you may have friends who pull away. Grief is difficult to go through, and it's just as difficult to see. Many people do not understand the loss of a child and they expect you to "just get over it". 
  • Dad's grieve differently, but they've lost a child too. For B, that means going on 60 mile bike rides. 
  • You will learn to be happy for preggos.
  • People can say incredibly cruel things.
  • There is nothing you could have done to save Jacob or Tristan.
  • It was nothing that you did that caused the miscarriages.
  • Give yourself time to grieve. 
  • Some days are easier than others, and some days are really hard.
  • Miscarriage can happen again.
  • You are not alone

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